• Clarissa Jacobson

National Enquirer Claims Lunch Ladies Nevermore Film Fest Selection Caused Depp, Poe Love Triangle

Updated: Jan 29, 2019



The Lunch Ladies are burning mad after the National Enquirer broke a story that their recent selection into the 19th Nevermore Film Festival has resulted in a love triangle between themselves, Johnny Depp and Edgar Allen Poe.

Apparently the "newspaper" has been running the headline - THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF DEPP - for the past week claiming Depp is furious and nevermore, nevermore.

The Lunch Ladies, who were up all night torching copies stolen from newsstands, had this to say:

Seretta: "Blatant lie! First off we've had a love triangle for years - TWO Lunch Ladies ONE Depp. Adding Poe to the mix is a preposterous quadrangle, NOT a triangle."

LouAnne: "Second of all, Poe is a poor man's Depp - it's positively laughable to think we'd choose Poe over Depp - just ask our Tell-Tale Hearts."

*Nevermore Film Fest, which takes its name from the famous Poe poem "The Raven," has refused to comment on the Enquirer's claims, saying they do not get involved in the love lives of the films they program but that if a sex scandal helps to sell tickets then "awesome."

In honor of the fest, the Lunch Ladies have penned a "completely original poem:"

THE DEPPER by The Lunch Ladies

Once upon a kitchen dreary, we Lunch Ladies pondered, weak and weary,

Over many a quart and curious volume of forgotten blood—

While we laughed, constant yapping, suddenly there came a tapping,

As of someone gently rapping, rapping at our kitchen door.

“’Tis The Depper,” we cried, “tapping at our kitchen door—

Only this and hide the gore.”

Lunch Ladies screens in the "I'm Coming To Get You, Barbara!" Short Film Block on February 24 at 5:10 pm and February 25 at 2pm at the Carolina Theatre Cinema in Durham, NC.

Buy tickets HERE


The Nevermore Film Fest is in its 19th year and was recently named one of the top one-hundred Horror & Fantasy film festivals in the world. It will take place February 23-25, 2018 in Durham, NC.

Website: www.carolinatheatre.org/films/festivals/nevermore

Facebook: @NevermoreFilmFestival

#NevermoreFilmFest #JohnnyDepp #EdgarAllenPoe #FilmFestival

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