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  • Writer's pictureClarissa Jacobson

Lunch Ladies Hold A Fan Art Competition And It Backfires - Only Three Entries: "Whatever"

The Lunch Ladies are licking their wounds after promoting a fan art competition to design "Hairnet Nation" stickers and receiving only three entries: "Pair Nets" by Craig Mills, "Kitty Love" by Suzanne Falk (inspired by a precocious cat owned by Christal Van Ett of Superghoul) and "Power Trip" by Elizabeth De Guzman.

Bewildered artists across the nation, who called it a competition against humanity, confirmed the Lunch Ladies were awarding the "lucky" winner a lame "standard issue" hairnet, an ear pie poster, some stolen Melvin High Pencils and most shocking of all, a shout out on this blog.

Said, Melchior Sweeney McTodd, Professor Emeritus, Royal College of Art in the UK: "Being mentioned in this blog would be the worst thing possible for one's artistic career."

That didn't stop fine artist Suzanne Falk who scribbled out this twisted entry based on "October" - the kitty who is auditioning for a part in the Lunch Ladies feature. Kudos for the bloody ear. It also didn't stop Elizabeth De Guzman of EDG Jewelry who created "Power Trip."

The other entry came from Craig Mills, who slaved several seconds over pen and paper to portray the ladies in amazing lifelike detail. After the Lunch Ladies fought over who should get their "awesome" swag, straws were drawn and "Pair Nets" was the unfortunate champion.

Said, Mills after being notified: "I won! I won! Now I can give this Lunch Ladies crap away at our Annual White Elephant Christmas Party! It'll be the worst gift ever!"

Falk and De Guzman were thrilled as well: "Thank goodness we didn't win; we dodged a bullet."

When asked for comment the Lunch Ladies, who were slapping the newly minted stickers all over a national monument, had this to say:

"Whatever. Quality is better than quantity. We don't care if there had been a million entries. You can't beat these babies!! Thanks, Craig, Suzanne and Elizabeth!"

Craig Mills hails from the UK and is a former hairnet wearer who loves comedy/horror, his 11 year old niece who is "full of dark humor," thrifting or what he calls "chazza shopping" and writing little ditties like this: "he's thrifty, he's nifty, he gets ya bargains drunk on whisky."

Suzanne Falk

Suzanne Falk is a fine artist who specializes in contemporary realism, illustrative miniatures and watercolors. She is open for commissions.

Our Days Have Been A Dream 14x18 Oil on Canvas


Instagram: @suzannemeowmeowfalk

Christal Van Etten

Christal Van Etten is a freelance social media manager and content creator operating from her horror media website She's an aspiring filmmaker and owner of two kitties: Vladmir the Impawler and October (codename Jean-Clawed Van Damn)


Twitter: @TheSuperGhoul

Instagram: @TheSuperGhoul

Elizbeth De Guzman

Elizabeth De Guzman makes handmade jewelry under her moniker EDG Jewelry "Create things you wish existed."

Facebook: @EDGjewelry888

Twitter: @edg_jewelry888

Instagram: @EDGjewelry888



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