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  • Writer's pictureClarissa Jacobson

Lunch Ladies B.S. House Of Tortured Souls Reporter Over Hollywood Power Lunch To Get Kick A*s Review

The Lunch Ladies have come a long way from their modest roots at Melvin High. Apparently with their new found "fame" on the film fest circuit they've come to believe their hype and are now power lunching in Hollywood and BSing people into believing they have more shit going on than they do.

One such clueless reporter, Jaye Clinton of House of Tortured Souls , fell prey to their tactics and not only interviewed their annoying self-promoting writer/producer Clarissa Jacobson and equally obnoxious choreographer/producer Joe Bratcher, but wrote this glowing review:

"To say I enjoyed this short would be a gross understatement, I loved it! So well written, so well acted, so well directed. The only thing I want out of it…is more!"

A smug Seretta said: "Perfecting the art of Hollywood bullshitting is the best thing we've ever learned. Once you figure that out you can manipulate anyone into thinking you’re more awesome than you are. Clinton didn't stand a chance."

LouAnne, nodded: "All it took was a little research and before we knew it we had learned how to oversell, overinflate and completely confuse. Clinton fell right into our hands. Next up? CAA and WME."

House Of Tortured Souls

Jaye Clinton is a writer who is currently working on her first novel Soul Game of The Arcane. She is a horror film aficionado, loves medieval weapons, comic and novels.

Follow Jaye at:

Twitter: @horrormadam

House of Tortured Souls is a website by horror lovers and for horror lovers.

Follow House Of Tortured Souls at:


Facebook: @houseoftorturedsouls

Twitter: @HOTorturedsouls

The Lunch Ladies Top Five Rules For A Successful Hollywood Power Lunch

1) Demand a reservation at 1PM. Only people who are important eat at 1PM. If the maître d' gives you a hard time or tries to offer you a 1:15PM, threaten murder.

2) Demand a booth. Only suckers, tourists and agents from Burbank eat at tables. If the maître d' gives you a hard time or thinks you're an agent from Burbank, threaten murder.

3) Demand a Cobb Salad to be sitting at your booth when you arrive. You are too powerful to wait for your order like the Philistia. If the maître d' gives you a hard time or a Chef Salad instead of a Cobb, threaten murder.

4) Demand a buzz but don't let anyone know you're drinking. Stop at the bar on the way to the loo and slide the bartender a fifty that says "add vodka to booth number 4's OJ - thanks.” If those posers you're with find out, commit murder. You don't want this ending up in The Hollywood Reporter.

5) Last but not least, save any trash you have collected during the course of the meal to give directly to the hostess when you leave. Preferably in her hand. Watch her thank you for letting her throw it away for you - proving you are so powerful even your refuse is gold.



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