#Review

Lunch Ladies Win Nevermore's & Jay Kay's Best Horror Shorts Of 2018 - "Scr*w You, Oscars"

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 18, 2019
2 min

Lunch Ladies Win Nevermore's & Jay Kay's Best Horror Shorts Of 2018 - "Scr*w You, Oscars"

In a shocking display of bad sportsmanship, the Lunch Ladies - who were qualified for the 2019 Oscars but did not get a nom - have gone on record to say "Scr*w You, Oscars" after Nevermore Horror awarded them Best Horror Short of 2018 and Jay Kay of Horror Happens Radio shouted them out as one of the Top 30 Horror Shorts Of The Year. READ NEVERMORE HORROR HERE SEE THE LIST FROM JAY KAY HERE Apparently, the Lunch Ladies acted like they gave zero f*cks when they didn't get a no

"VOTE FOR US PLEAZE!" Lunch Ladies Harass Folks For Votes At Gruesome Magazine

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 14, 2019
2 min

"VOTE FOR US PLEAZE!" Lunch Ladies Harass Folks For Votes At Gruesome Magazine

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have been harassing folks like yourself everywhere to vote for them in Gruesome Magazine's 2018 Horror Awards. VOTE HERE Gruesome Magazine, shocking upright moral and decent folks everywhere, announced that Lunch Ladies was nominated for 2018 Best Horror Short of the year. With mountains of - VOTE HERE - terrific horror shorts across the world, no one can fathom how the Lunch Ladies ended up on this focused shorts list of only

Lunch Ladies Win Best Foreign Short At MABO Puerto Rico & Score Love From Reviewers - Haters Gripe

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 16, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Win Best Foreign Short At MABO Puerto Rico & Score Love From Reviewers - Haters Gripe

Festival de Cortometrajes de MABO awarded the Lunch Ladies this awesome handmade trophy done by a Puerto Rican artist. IN TOP NEWS TODAY: The Lunch Ladies have been awarded Best Foreign Short by MABO Film Fest in Puerto Rico and have scored shout outs from Reel Ghouls Podcast, D.D. Crowley of 1428 Elm Street, Frontrunner Mag and Indie Activity causing haters everywhere to gripe: "I'm so sick of those hags." Apparently, the Lunch Ladies who keep winning awards, getting into fe

Lunch Ladies Garner Selection From Knoxville Horror Fest By Getting Them Drunk On Lunch Lady Whiskey

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 8, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Garner Selection From Knoxville Horror Fest By Getting Them Drunk On Lunch Lady Whiskey

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have scored a selection at the Knoxville Horror Film Fest after getting programmers drunk on homemade Lunch Lady whiskey. Tennessee is famous for its whiskey - especially Jack Daniels. The Lunch Ladies - as usual - have manipulated and perverted something of state pride and used it against locals to get ahead: Said Seretta, enjoying a shot of the handcrafted 200 proof Lunch Lady whiskey they foisted on unsuspecting programmers

Lunch Ladies Celebrate With 162 Hour Johnny Depp Movie Marathon After Scoring Three Great Reviews

Clarissa Jacobson

Aug 8, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Celebrate With 162 Hour Johnny Depp Movie Marathon After Scoring Three Great Reviews

Shocked news outlets across the world are reporting that the Lunch Ladies have scored great reviews* from Nightmarish Conjurings, Tennessee Horror News and Drm.am without coercion and have celebrated for 162 hours straight by watching back to back Johnny Depp Movies. Nightmarish Conjurings: "I had no idea what I was in for, but when it was over, it was solidified as my favorite short film I've ever seen." Tennessee Horror News: "One hell of a short film." Drm.am: "Clearly det

Lunch Ladies Slip Wormwood Tea To Nevermore Horror & Just Celebrity Mag To Garner Killer Reviews

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 25, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Slip Wormwood Tea To Nevermore Horror & Just Celebrity Mag To Garner Killer Reviews

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have slipped Wormwood Tea to the reporters at Nevermore Horror and Just Celebrity Magazine to garner "Flipping Awesome Reviews": Nevermore Horror: "I cannot, in words, express how fun, flamboyant, vibrant and out-right insane the film is." Just Celebrity Mag: "It’s a movie that will keep you giggling for the entire 19 minutes it lasts and a long time after that." Apparently, the ladies came up with the idea to use the potent

Lunch Ladies Duped AGAIN By Johnny Depp Impersonator - In Denial

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 24, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Duped AGAIN By Johnny Depp Impersonator - In Denial

Back in January, the Lunch Ladies were fooled by Johnny Depp impersonator, John Spaziale who showed up at their kitchen with roses claiming to love them. It was only when his mustache fell into the fresh pot pie filling they had just whipped up that they knew they had been duped. Today, we've got the exclusive shocking story that the Lunch Ladies have been duped a second time by Spaziale. Investigative journalist, Todd McSweeney joins us today to give us the scoop: "Thank y

Lunch Ladies Concerned For Their Safety After Bitches Of Horror Say They're Perfect and Copy Them

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 18, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Concerned For Their Safety After Bitches Of Horror Say They're Perfect and Copy Them

JUST IN! The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are concerned for their safety after the Bitches of Horror gave them a "10 out of 10" calling them "perfect" then donned the exact same outfits, hairdos and attitudes. The Lunch Ladies have filed a stalking report with local police saying "These two women are dangerous. They want to be us. They think they are US." Said Seretta, in dark sunglasses setting up a spy camera she found in a box of Cracker Jack: "We are t

Dr. McSweeney Prescribes Lunch Ladies Unreasonable Shorts Screening After They Demand Good Reviews

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 16, 2018
1 min

Dr. McSweeney Prescribes Lunch Ladies Unreasonable Shorts Screening After They Demand Good Reviews

The past few weeks the Lunch Ladies have been incredibly unreasonable by threatening, harassing and demanding terrific reviews from a slew of helpless journalists including OC Movie Reviews, Red Carpet Crash, Cent Magazine, Film & TV Business and Spain's El Último Grito. Renowned psychologist Dr. Todd McSweeney, who has never in his 40+ years of practice encountered such an unreasonable case, immediately prescribed the Lunch Ladies an Unreasonable Shorts Screening but has war

Ginger Nuts Of Horror Suggest Lunch Ladies More Enjoyable Than A Quickie

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 13, 2018
1 min

Ginger Nuts Of Horror Suggest Lunch Ladies More Enjoyable Than A Quickie

The dark web has confirmed that Joe X Young of the Ginger Nuts of Horror has suggested that the Lunch Ladies are more enjoyable than a quickie: "You must have 19 minutes to spare, surely you do... What can you do in 19 minutes? Make love nine times? Whatever it is I doubt it will be as enjoyable as spending 19 minutes watching the ridiculously over-the-top Lunch Ladies." Read the full uncensored story HERE! Apparently, the ladies who have never had a single date in their

Eerie Late Night Horror Show Interviews The Lunch Ladies After They Give Them Nightmares

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 9, 2018
2 min

Eerie Late Night Horror Show Interviews The Lunch Ladies After They Give Them Nightmares

The dark web has confirmed that the Eerie Late Night Horror Show had the Lunch Ladies on after they invaded their dreams and gave them nightmares: "One, Two, Lunch Ladies Coming For You." Hear the live recorded show HERE! Apparently (like most in their sane mind), hosts of Eerie Late Night, Halloween Jack and The Bone Jangler, didn't want anything to do with the Lunch Ladies and repeatedly told them "get lost." As usual, the Lunch Ladies wouldn't take "get lost" for an answe

Lunch Ladies Score Sweet Write-Up From Horrorscreams Video Vault After Locking Reviewer In Dungeon

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 27, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Score Sweet Write-Up From Horrorscreams Video Vault After Locking Reviewer In Dungeon

The Lunch Ladies have scored a sweet write-up from UK website Horrorscreams Video Vault after locking their unsuspecting journalist, Steven West, in their personal dungeon. West who had dared to tell the Lunch Ladies he wanted nothing to do with them, was forced to pen this review in order to gain his freedom: "...the technically polished movie captures the look of certain latter-day Waters pictures as the plot briskly ventures down a splashy path of dismemberment..." Read t

Lunch Ladies Stage Sit-In On 13th Floor To Garner Awesome Review - "Our A*ses Hurt"

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 26, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Stage Sit-In On 13th Floor To Garner Awesome Review - "Our A*ses Hurt"

The Lunch Ladies are pampering sore behinds after sitting for 186 hours straight in front of reviewer Jeremiah Rosario of the Thirteenth Floor's 13th floor office and have gone on record to say "Our a*ses hurt but it was worth it." Apparently, Rosario, like anyone with their head on straight, wanted nothing to do with the Lunch Ladies. However, everyone knows you can't tell those two b*tches anything, so he was forced to write an awesome review in order to get rid of them: "

Lunch Ladies Score A Spot On The Bitches Of Horror TV Show After Astounding Catfight

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 20, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Score A Spot On The Bitches Of Horror TV Show After Astounding Catfight

Rumors are confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have scored a spot to brag about themselves on The Bitches Of Horror TV Show after they started an astounding catfight with the two women who run it - Jasmine Martinez and Sarah Giercksky. Listen HERE! Apparently, the stars... err bitches, Martinez and Giercksky, weren't interested in talking to the Lunch Ladies, because frankly, the Lunch Ladies are bigger bitches than them. The Ladies, being the bitches they are, harassed them f

Lunch Ladies Send Heart Emojis to The Horror Syndicate After They Get A Stellar Review/Interview

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 18, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Send Heart Emojis to The Horror Syndicate After They Get A Stellar Review/Interview

The Lunch Ladies have been texting Mike Lombardo of The Horror Syndicate for days on end* with heart emojis after his recent amazing review: "... Lunch Ladies is one of the best short films I have ever seen. It plays out like John Waters, Tim Burton, and Herschell Gordon Lewis had a mutated love child and it is glorious to behold." Read the full review HERE! Lombardo then took it a step further and got together with his Horror Syndicate cohorts, AMDA dropout, Bud Light Lime l

GoreLords Podcast Loves The Lunch Ladies - Lunch Ladies Firmly Tell Them: “We’re Taken.”

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 15, 2018
1 min

GoreLords Podcast Loves The Lunch Ladies - Lunch Ladies Firmly Tell Them: “We’re Taken.”

JUST IN! The dark web has confirmed that the GoreLords Podcast loves the Lunch Ladies who have firmly told them “We’re Taken.” Apparently, the GoreLords did a kickass review on their podcast without any coercion, manipulation or threats, so the Lunch Ladies are convinced they're hitting on them. Listen to it HERE! (Warning: Spoiler Alert) Said Seretta, slipping into something more comfortable: “We appreciate the love, but those crazy kids need to understand no amount

Lunch Ladies "Seduce" Neon Bloodbath Into An Interview By Getting Naked And Taking Over His Tub

Clarissa Jacobson

May 9, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies "Seduce" Neon Bloodbath Into An Interview By Getting Naked And Taking Over His Tub

Spies from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have "seduced" the blogger "Bury The Beloved" from the website Neon Bloodbath into an interview after getting naked, taking over his tub and whispering: "Come on in, the water is fine." Read the interview HERE! Apparently, Neon Bloodbath, just like anyone else in their right mind, wanted nothing to do with the Lunch Ladies, but as usual the Lunch Ladies who are attention whores, wanted everything to do with anyone w

Lunch Ladies Have 186 Hour Slumber Party Watching Encore! France 24 Documentary

Clarissa Jacobson

May 7, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Have 186 Hour Slumber Party Watching Encore! France 24 Documentary

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have had a 186 hour slumber party watching Encore! France 24's documentary about the Women's Revolution in Hollywood. Even more astounding, reliable witnesses have verified that Seretta asked LouAnne (who is in charge of the remote) "Skip Oprah, Rewind to the part they talk about us again" - a total of 1,797 times. See the doc in English HERE! See the doc in French HERE! Apparently, the International French News Channel inter

Lunch Ladies Get Film Coterie To Screen Them At Marcon Convention After Offering Gift Of Pot Pie

Clarissa Jacobson

May 2, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Get Film Coterie To Screen Them At Marcon Convention After Offering Gift Of Pot Pie

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have scored another screening; this time at Marcon Multiple Alternative Realities Convention in Columbus, Ohio - the Midwest's premiere Science Fiction & Fantasy Fest (which has been running for an astounding 53 years) - by offering "delicious" pot pies to The Film Coterie, who they met at the Nightmares Film Fest. Apparently, The Film Coterie was tasked with programming the midnight shorts for Marcon and decided to screen the

Lunch Ladies Interviewed By MUFF Society - Discuss The Depper But Avoid Topic Of Murder

Clarissa Jacobson

Apr 23, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Interviewed By MUFF Society - Discuss The Depper But Avoid Topic Of Murder

Reports from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have been interviewed by the Monthly Underground Female Film Society aka MUFF Society and have ran their mouths on everything from feminism to The Depper but have avoided the topic of murder. Read the full story HERE! Said Seretta, sporting a jacked pink glittery MUFF tee that she tried to sell to founder Siân Melton for a 1000% markup: "We were thrilled that MUFF wanted to interview us but we were nervous. Sure,

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