#Melies

Lunch Ladies Pull A Fast One - Go To Strasbourg Fantastic Fest By Cashing In On Frequent Flier Miles

Clarissa Jacobson

Aug 29, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Pull A Fast One - Go To Strasbourg Fantastic Fest By Cashing In On Frequent Flier Miles

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have pulled a fast one and are heading to Strasbourg European Fantastic Film Festival by cashing in on frequent flier miles. Apparently, Strasbourg thought they were safe from the Lunch Ladies simply because the women had burned through 30 plus years of savings traveling around the world plaguing festivals. Programmers were certain the ladies could not afford another trip and had already begun celebrating when they realized th

Breaking News! Lunch Ladies Make It To Portugal For Motel/X Film Fest After Using FADO Against Them

Clarissa Jacobson

Aug 10, 2018
1 min

Breaking News! Lunch Ladies Make It To Portugal For Motel/X Film Fest After Using FADO Against Them

Breaking news! The Lunch Ladies have made it to Portugal for the MotelX Horror Festival and have done it by hijacking a Portuguese musical genre known as FADO. Traditional FADO songs talk of longing and the inability to escape one's fate. This is where it gets dicey. Apparently, the Lunch Ladies who have no shame and don't mind bastardizing a beautiful tradition, forced programmers at Motel/X into a selection by crooning horrible FADO day and night outside their homes with

Breaking News! America Ships The Lunch Ladies Back To The Netherlands For Lowlands Festival

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 17, 2018
2 min

Breaking News! America Ships The Lunch Ladies Back To The Netherlands For Lowlands Festival

Breaking news! America is breathing a sigh of relief after shipping the Lunch Ladies back to the Netherlands for the Lowlands Festival and are hopeful they won't return. It all started back in April, in a shocking show of poor taste, when the 34th Annual Imagine Film Fest in Amsterdam purposely screened the Lunch Ladies. Three months later, in an even more shocking show of poor taste, those crazy Dutch programmers have decided to bring the troublemakers back to the Netherl

Lunch Ladies Head To Korea's Bucheon Fantastic Fest Where They Plan To Show Off Their Break Dancing

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 11, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Korea's Bucheon Fantastic Fest Where They Plan To Show Off Their Break Dancing

The Lunch Ladies have finally clinched their Asian premiere at Bucheon International Fantastic Film Festival (BIFAN) where they plan to show off their breakdancing "skillz." Apparently, Korea is loco for breakdancing and the Lunch Ladies shamelessly used it to their advantage: Said Seretta, practicing spinning on her head while holding a cleaver: "Everyone knows the Koreans have some of the highest IQs in the world. There's no way in Satan they would've screened us unless w

Lunch Ladies Behind Natural Disasters -Writer/Producer Jacobson Warns Film Fests To Be Wary

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 13, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Behind Natural Disasters -Writer/Producer Jacobson Warns Film Fests To Be Wary

When writer/producer Clarissa Jacobson dared to delve into the reason so many natural disasters are happening in tandem with film fests she's attending, she discovered something shocking: The Lunch Ladies are behind them. Earthquakes, mudslides, terrible weather... at Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest in France there was blinding snow, causing the airport to experience massive delays and Jacobson to have a staggering 36 hour traveling experience after missing connections. The

Lunch Ladies Head To Amsterdam For Imagine Film Fest After Instructing Programmers - "No Clogs"

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 26, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Amsterdam For Imagine Film Fest After Instructing Programmers - "No Clogs"

The Lunch Ladies received the shocking news that the 34th Annual Imagine Film Fest in Amsterdam would like them to attend. Though the sisters have been dying to get to Amsterdam to tilt some windmills, their initial reaction was one of concern that they would be forced to wear clogs. Said Seretta, admiring her new kitten heels she bought just for the fest: "We're really in no position to be making demands, but we draw the line at clogs. We told them - clogs or us. You ch

Writer/Producer Travels 1,850 Miles to See The Lunch Ladies in Mexico and Fails

Clarissa Jacobson

Nov 1, 2017
2 min

Writer/Producer Travels 1,850 Miles to See The Lunch Ladies in Mexico and Fails

Writer/Producer Clarissa Jacobson smiles on the red carpet 24 hours before failing massively to see the Lunch Ladies international premiere at Latin America's top horror event - the Mórbido Fest. In her own words: "The first screening mishap occurred because there was a Day of the Dead Parade and all the roads were blocked. The cabbie said he'd drop me off as close to the theatre as he could get me - i.e. on the side of the massive congested freeway where he pointed THAT WAY

Catfight With Morbida And Margaritas As The Lunch Ladies Go International At Mexico's Mórbido Fest

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 10, 2017
1 min

Catfight With Morbida And Margaritas As The Lunch Ladies Go International At Mexico's Mórbido Fest

The Lunch Ladies are super excited to have their International Premiere at the Mórbido Fest in Mexico City: home to their favorite things, margaritas, avocados and Mexicans - because Mexicans are cool as hell - ALMOST as cool as Johnny Depp. What they are not super excited about is the apparent interest The Depper is taking in that scantily clad, hot bitch in the Morbido Fest's Poster. Therefore, join them for a margarita cocktail party before where they catfight Morbida (as

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