Shocking Exposé! Canal+, the French Premium Cable Channel, has admittedly picked up the Lunch Ladies for Top Of The Shorts and MyCanal after the brazen women shamelessly flirted with them at Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest back in February. SEE THE SHAMELESS PLUG HERE! Apparently being part of the prestigious festival was not enough for the women so they set their sights on Canal+ in hopes they could terrorize even more French people. Said Seretta, wearing a shiny black mask and
THE LUNCH LADIES CANNOT BE STOPPED! Film Fests: Anatomy Crime & Horror, Freak Show, Buried Alive, Bull City, IKUSKA, Flickers' Vortex, and Festival À Nous De Voir are reeling with the news that there is no escape from the Lunch Ladies. The Oracle has spoken. Apparently, the concerned festival programmers - who have successfully avoided the wretched duo for over a year - reached out to the top Oracle in Greece (High Priestess Lovett McTodd) to ask if they would meet the same h
JUST IN! The Lunch Ladies are heading to France again, this time for Fenêtres Sur Courts in Dijon, after exhausting programmers with "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" Apparently, Dijon is a hub of gastronomic delights, home to one of the largest food fairs in the country and originated Grey Poupon back in 1856. A mustard the Lunch Ladies claim covers up "a multitude of sins." Said, Seretta, whipping up some special marinade for one of the sins congealing in their
The dark web has confirmed that a volcano has erupted in fury on Réunion Island after the discovery that the Lunch Ladies will be screening there at the Soirée Du Court Film Fest. The island (which is a region of France) is east of Madagascar, in the middle of the Indian Ocean and is so far that smug inhabitants thought they were safe from the Lunch Ladies. Both Seretta and LouAnne have gone on record to say "Their hubris is laughable." After Réunion citizens discovered that
The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have pulled a fast one and are heading to Strasbourg European Fantastic Film Festival by cashing in on frequent flier miles. Apparently, Strasbourg thought they were safe from the Lunch Ladies simply because the women had burned through 30 plus years of savings traveling around the world plaguing festivals. Programmers were certain the ladies could not afford another trip and had already begun celebrating when they realized th
Reports are confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are heading to Asia again after being duped by Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest into believing they were selected to be part of Korea's world famous speed skating team* when in fact they were selected for the Seoul International Extreme-Short Image & Film Festival (SESIFF). In February, the ladies crashed prestigious Clermont-Ferrand Fest to play in the Dinner is Served Retrospective. Miffed at their appalling display of hubris, Clermont
The Lunch Ladies have made it to Paris for the L'Étrange Festival after cutting an incredible deal with programmers: "Screen us or end up in pâté." Initially, L'Étrange had rejected the Lunch Ladies for their poor fashion sense, bad French accents and loud American voices. However, they quickly changed course when the Lunch Ladies brought their amazing negotiating skills to the table: Said Seretta, whittling a femur bone into a gavel: "We've always been interested in the ju
The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have had a 186 hour slumber party watching Encore! France 24's documentary about the Women's Revolution in Hollywood. Even more astounding, reliable witnesses have verified that Seretta asked LouAnne (who is in charge of the remote) "Skip Oprah, Rewind to the part they talk about us again" - a total of 1,797 times. See the doc in English HERE! See the doc in French HERE! Apparently, the International French News Channel inter
The dark web has confirmed that Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest is stuck with the Lunch Ladies again and are lamenting "We'll never get rid of them." Back in February, the ladies crashed the prestigious international festival to play in the Dinner is Served Retrospective. Programmers were less than thrilled but sucked it up and hoped to never cross paths with the obnoxious duo again. No dice. Said Seretta, nibbling daintily from a box of Ladurée macarons that she pilfered from
The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are heading to France again; this time by glomming on to Détours en Cinécourt in Saint-Geniès Bellevue. Said Seretta, yelling over Edith Piaf playing full volume on their crappy Buick Le Sabre speakers - "We had so much fun at France's Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest in February that we made it our mission to get back to beret wearing country as soon as possible. No one wanted us, so we took matters into our own hands and decided t
The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are miffed after finding out that they were not invited to attend an interview by international news channel France 24. Apparently the lame brain, we mean main brain, behind the Lunch Ladies, writer/producer Clarissa Jacobson, met France 24 producer Renaud Lefort at the Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest in February where the film played in the Dinner Is Served Retrospective. Feeling sorry for her because she's the lame/main brain beh
When writer/producer Clarissa Jacobson dared to delve into the reason so many natural disasters are happening in tandem with film fests she's attending, she discovered something shocking:
The Lunch Ladies are behind them.
Earthquakes, mudslides, terrible weather... at Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest in France there was blinding snow, causing the airport to experience massive delays and Jacobson to have a staggering 36 hour traveling experience after missing connections. The
Writer/Producer Clarissa Jacobson was recently stopped by LAX airport security on her way to the Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest in France. Apparently, because she’s a kiss ass, she thought it was a great idea to bring gifts for the programmers who championed the film.
But what to get them?
The Lunch Ladies being strangely helpful suggested their signature “Lunch Is Served” ear pie soap made by Twisted Wonderland Perfumery. It comes in its very own pie tin and has a blood
Reports have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have pulled off an incredible feat of mind power by MANIFESTING an awesome review from Midnight Horror Show: "The quality of this film is amazing. Everything from the writing and acting, to the set design, sound, and cinematography were perfect. It couldn't have been better. It felt like a big-budget film you would see in the theater.... This would have been really enjoyable as a feature-length film, and we would love to see this h
The Lunch Ladies are celebrating after getting their first "1" rating on IMDb. Said Seretta, puffing on a cigarillo: "It was really getting boring getting all these lovey-dovey 10's and 9's from complete strangers. Someone gave us a "7" once and that kind of got us excited, but when we got that "1" it really made our day. Variety is the spice of life." LouAnne, toasting with a glass of chardonnay with a black fly in it, said: "What a fantastic way to start off the New Year
The Lunch Ladies have had a fantastic year. Bribing, Lying, Cheating, Stealing, Murder, a few film fests... everything has been so wonderful they almost forgot actions have consequences. Seretta, wringing her hands, said: "We've been naughty and we're highly concerned that Santa won't bring us that set of Franklin Mint Johnny Depp Collector Mugs we've had our eyes on all year. I hope to Satan he forgives us, we need those collector mugs." LouAnne nodded: "Six collector mu
For the past thirty-years the Lunch Ladies have been trying desperately to get to France where cuisine reigns supreme and they'll be able to wear berets without judgement. This year, with their new found "fame" they were sure their dreams would come true at the Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned... as usual. When Clermont-Ferrand programmers sent the Lunch Ladies a passenger pigeon telling them that the film was shortlisted and "dear to t