#Awards

Lunch Ladies Win Nevermore's & Jay Kay's Best Horror Shorts Of 2018 - "Scr*w You, Oscars"

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 18, 2019
2 min

Lunch Ladies Win Nevermore's & Jay Kay's Best Horror Shorts Of 2018 - "Scr*w You, Oscars"

In a shocking display of bad sportsmanship, the Lunch Ladies - who were qualified for the 2019 Oscars but did not get a nom - have gone on record to say "Scr*w You, Oscars" after Nevermore Horror awarded them Best Horror Short of 2018 and Jay Kay of Horror Happens Radio shouted them out as one of the Top 30 Horror Shorts Of The Year. READ NEVERMORE HORROR HERE SEE THE LIST FROM JAY KAY HERE Apparently, the Lunch Ladies acted like they gave zero f*cks when they didn't get a no

"VOTE FOR US PLEAZE!" Lunch Ladies Harass Folks For Votes At Gruesome Magazine

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 14, 2019
2 min

"VOTE FOR US PLEAZE!" Lunch Ladies Harass Folks For Votes At Gruesome Magazine

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have been harassing folks like yourself everywhere to vote for them in Gruesome Magazine's 2018 Horror Awards. VOTE HERE Gruesome Magazine, shocking upright moral and decent folks everywhere, announced that Lunch Ladies was nominated for 2018 Best Horror Short of the year. With mountains of - VOTE HERE - terrific horror shorts across the world, no one can fathom how the Lunch Ladies ended up on this focused shorts list of only

Lunch Ladies Win People's Choice At Greece's Anatomy Festival - Doctors Fear Greeks Going Senile

Clarissa Jacobson

Nov 19, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Win People's Choice At Greece's Anatomy Festival - Doctors Fear Greeks Going Senile

Medical specialists across the world are concerned one of the oldest civilizations is going senile. Apparently, Greece's dance with dementia started when Anatomy Crime & Horror Festival in Athens nominated the Lunch Ladies for Best Short (Horror) and Best Actress (Horror)*. Doctors put the country on red alert and prescribed Ouzo. For weeks, the Greeks fought valiantly, gulping the drink by the gallon, praying to The Oracle and taking the bull by the horns. In a miraculous

Lunch Ladies Win Best Foreign Short At MABO Puerto Rico & Score Love From Reviewers - Haters Gripe

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 16, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Win Best Foreign Short At MABO Puerto Rico & Score Love From Reviewers - Haters Gripe

Festival de Cortometrajes de MABO awarded the Lunch Ladies this awesome handmade trophy done by a Puerto Rican artist. IN TOP NEWS TODAY: The Lunch Ladies have been awarded Best Foreign Short by MABO Film Fest in Puerto Rico and have scored shout outs from Reel Ghouls Podcast, D.D. Crowley of 1428 Elm Street, Frontrunner Mag and Indie Activity causing haters everywhere to gripe: "I'm so sick of those hags." Apparently, the Lunch Ladies who keep winning awards, getting into fe

Lunch Ladies Display Awards From Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo And NOLA Horror

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 9, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Display Awards From Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo And NOLA Horror

Winner of Two Awards At Women In Horror Audience Award for Lunch Ladies Best Performance for Donna Pieroni JUST IN! In an astounding, surprise move, the Lunch Ladies have prominently displayed their recent awards from Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo Fantastic and NOLA Horror on the same shelf as their cherished Johnny Depp VHS Tapes. Apparently, the women manipulated five wins out of the beleaguered film festivals, bringing their illegal stash of trophies and certi

Lunch Ladies Use The Luck Of The Irish Against The Irish To Screen At Kerry Film Festival

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 1, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Use The Luck Of The Irish Against The Irish To Screen At Kerry Film Festival

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have used the luck of the Irish against the Irish to finagle a screening from the Kerry Film Festival. Apparently, the women have been trying to get to the land of the Blarney Stone, leprechauns and Guinness since they were wee tots but the Irish have managed to keep them at bay. Until now. Said Seretta, practicing her jig in an unbecoming green felt mini-skirt: "We had to get in the Kerry Fest and we knew it would take more t

Lunch Ladies Win Big At Italy's Fano Fest - Celebrate By Stealing A Ferrari

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 27, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Win Big At Italy's Fano Fest - Celebrate By Stealing A Ferrari

In a shocking display of poor judgment, the Lunch Ladies have been forced to flee Italy after stealing a Ferrari and speeding through city streets at 150 mph with police hot on their tails. Apparently, the women won Best Foreign Short and Best Actress* for their Italian premiere (October 20) at the 30th annual Fano Film Festival. Thrilled with the outcome, they got drunk on Limoncello, stole a classic Ferrari valued at over $200,000, hit four garbage cans and two light posts

Lunch Ladies Demand Salary Raise After Wins At FilmQuest, Dragon Con And Noms From NOLA Horror

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 18, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Demand Salary Raise After Wins At FilmQuest, Dragon Con And Noms From NOLA Horror

Just in! The Lunch Ladies have demanded a $2.50 weekly raise from Melvin High after winning at FilmQuest* and Dragon Con* and scoring four nominations* from NOLA Horror. Said Seretta, rolling pennies to make ends meet: "Make no mistake, The Depper IS hiring us to be his personal chefs, but until then, we're still in the poorhouse, I mean the public school system. We haven't had a raise in fifteen years but now is our chance." LouAnne, filthy from collecting aluminum cans al

Double Whammy! Lunch Ladies Win Best Short At HorrorHound Fest And Head To Fargo Fantastic Festival

Clarissa Jacobson

Aug 28, 2018
1 min

Double Whammy! Lunch Ladies Win Best Short At HorrorHound Fest And Head To Fargo Fantastic Festival

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have had a double whammy this week. They won best short at HorrorHound Film Festival and are on their way to Fargo Fantastic Fest after promising judges they will not say "You Betcha," "Yah," and other annoying over the top Midwestern speak popularized by the Cohen Brother's movie - Fargo. Said Seretta, celebrating with a relaxing seaweed foot soak in their eel-infested swamp of a backyard: "First we won at HorrorHound after so

Another Annoying Blog - Lunch Ladies Get Three Noms At Women In Horror & To Screen At HorrorQuest

Clarissa Jacobson

Aug 21, 2018
2 min

Another Annoying Blog - Lunch Ladies Get Three Noms At Women In Horror & To Screen At HorrorQuest

It's time for another annoying blog with some more annoying Lunch Ladies good news! The Lunch Ladies have been nominated for Best Horror Comedy Short, Best Production Design* and Best Performance** at Women In Horror Film Festival (WHIFF) and are also an official selection of Atlanta's HorrorQuest Festival! Thankfully the dynamic duo are so thrilled they're dumbstruck and have nothing to say. Finally, some flipping peace. Thanks Women In Horror and HorrorQuest for shutting th

Amelia Allwarden Wins Best Editing At Rhode Island Int'l Film Fest - Smug Lunch Ladies

Clarissa Jacobson

Aug 13, 2018
2 min

Amelia Allwarden Wins Best Editing At Rhode Island Int'l Film Fest - Smug Lunch Ladies

JUST IN! The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are smug after Amelia Allwarden took home Best Editing at Flickers' Rhode Island International Film Festival. The Lunch Ladies (as usual) are taking credit for wins that aren't theirs. After learning Amelia won, they smugly blathered nonstop "She couldn't have done it without us." Said Seretta, out of nail polish and painting her dragon claws with red latex house paint she found in their worm-infested shed: "Good old

Lunch Ladies Annoy Everyone With Happy Dance After Six Noms From FilmQuest And Nom From HorrorHound

Clarissa Jacobson

Aug 7, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Annoy Everyone With Happy Dance After Six Noms From FilmQuest And Nom From HorrorHound

The Lunch Ladies have been nominated for six awards* at FilmQuest and Best Short at HorrorHound Weekend confirming reports that they are annoying people across the world by engaging in an obnoxious happy dance: Said Seretta, jitterbugging over to the fridge to grab a Colt 45 to quench her thirst from shaking a tail feather: "We can dance if we want to we can leave our friends behind, if our friends don't like it we don't care because we got noms, noms, NOMS!" LouAnne, perfect

Lunch Ladies Up To Same Old Sh*t - Badger Beleaguered Austin Revolution Film Fest Into Seven Noms

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 12, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Up To Same Old Sh*t - Badger Beleaguered Austin Revolution Film Fest Into Seven Noms

It's astounding, but yes, the Lunch Ladies are up to the same old sh*t. This time they've badgered a beleaguered Austin Revolution Film Fest into seven nominations including: Best U.S. Horror Short, Best U.S. Comedy Short, Scarlet Waters Best Genre Award, Women In Horror Award, Best Genre Filmmaker Tobe Award*, Michelle Mower Female Filmmaker Of The Year Award* and Best FX Award**. Austin Revolution, in a move they've since regretted, met the Lunch Ladies at Nightmares Film

Unethical Lunch Ladies Attempt To Take Credit For Best Soundtrack Win At Cryptshow Festival

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 10, 2018
2 min

Unethical Lunch Ladies Attempt To Take Credit For Best Soundtrack Win At Cryptshow Festival

In a shocking display of unethical behavior, the Lunch Ladies attempted to take credit for composer, Antoni M. March and band, Fire The Animal's best soundtrack win from Barcelona's Cryptshow Festival. The Lunch Ladies have been deported. It happened last weekend when the film screened at the horror fest. There, the ladies made fools of themselves trying to speak Catalan using Google Translate while selling "delicious" homemade pot pies to viewers. Amazingly, this still did

Lunch Ladies WIN Best Horror at Film Leben Fest In Germany - Pass Out From Excitement

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 14, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies WIN Best Horror at Film Leben Fest In Germany - Pass Out From Excitement

In a startling turn of events, the Lunch Ladies have won Best Horror at the Film Leben Festival, and have passed out from the excitement.* Apparently, they awoke ten minutes later, mumbled "we're flipping speechless" and passed out again. This has gone on for a whole whole week. Said, Todd McSweeney, their pain in the a*s neighbor who lives two doors down: "Every day I have to call the coppers on the Lunch Ladies for being loud. Well, guess what? I haven't heard a peep fr

Lunch Ladies WIN at Post Mortem Fest In Mexico - Up All Night Celebrating With Mexican Hat Dance

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 12, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies WIN at Post Mortem Fest In Mexico - Up All Night Celebrating With Mexican Hat Dance

The Lunch Ladies have collapsed into their twin beds in exhaustion after dancing the Mexican Hat Dance all night in celebration of their recent win at Post Mortem International Horror & Bizarre Film Fest. The festival awards prizes for Best Short and Honorable Mentions - Red, Grey, and Black. In a shocking show of bad taste, Post Mortem crowned the Ladies with the Red. Said a tuckered, yet still wound up Seretta: “We won! We won! La Cucaracha, La Cucaracha... " LouAnne, ru

Lunch Ladies Win Two Awards At Crimson Horror Film Fest - People Are Really Getting Sick Of Them

Clarissa Jacobson

May 29, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Win Two Awards At Crimson Horror Film Fest - People Are Really Getting Sick Of Them

The int'l spy network has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have won Best Short and Best Actress at the Crimson Screen Horror Film Fest and people are really getting sick of them. Apparently, the Lunch Ladies lied, cheated and manipulated their way into winning several other awards at previous film festivals across the world and no one wants to hear any more of their annoying good news. The word on the street when they won was: "oh, no, not again." Said Seretta, shining their

Lunch Ladies Get Perms After Crimson Screen Horror Nominates Them For Best Short And Regret It

Clarissa Jacobson

May 10, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Get Perms After Crimson Screen Horror Nominates Them For Best Short And Regret It

Reports from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies got perms and regret it after the Crimson Screen Horror Film Fest nominated them for Best Short. Apparently, the Lunch Ladies have been nominated for three awards, Best EFX, Best Actress, and now Best Short. Wanting to impress on the red carpet they decided to give themselves perms but now admit "in retrospect it was a bad decision." Said Seretta, mulching their lawn with clumps of hair that she's lost from the l

Lunch Ladies Terrified After Crimson Fest Nominates Donna Pieroni For Best Actress - "Who's Donna?"

Clarissa Jacobson

May 8, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Terrified After Crimson Fest Nominates Donna Pieroni For Best Actress - "Who's Donna?"

Reports from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are terrified after the recent nomination Donna Pieroni received for Best Actress from the Crimson Screen Horror Film Fest. Said Seretta, eyes bloodshot from staring at herself in the greasy mirror of their dilapidated bathroom for over twenty-four hours: "I'm touching my skin, it's real. I'm touching my body, it's real. Is Donna inside me? I'm so confused... help me sister, please." LouAnne, rocking back and

Lunch Ladies Furious At Nomination For Best Special EFX Award From Crimson Screen Horror Fest

Clarissa Jacobson

May 3, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Furious At Nomination For Best Special EFX Award From Crimson Screen Horror Fest

Reports from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are furious after their SFX team received a nomination for Best Special Effects (EFX) at Crimson Screen Horror Film Fest. Apparently, SFX Supervisor, Matt Falletta, and VFX Team - Roger Nall and Brandon Flyte - claim they were in charge of the gory goodness in the film whereas the p*ssed Lunch Ladies claim "That Sh*t Was Real." Said Seretta, taking out her aggression by shooting at a rusty stationery bike that sit

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