#FilmFestival

Uruguay! Lunch Ladies Fly South For The Winter For Montevideo Fantástico Fest - Say "F-You, Cold"

Clarissa Jacobson

Dec 12, 2018
2 min

Uruguay! Lunch Ladies Fly South For The Winter For Montevideo Fantástico Fest - Say "F-You, Cold"

The Lunch Ladies are almost done with their film festival run but continue to create problems. This time they have wormed their way into the Montevideo Fantástico Festival as a big Lunch Lady "F-you" to cold weather. Montevideo takes place in the small but mighty country of Uruguay which enjoys average winter temperatures of 75 degrees (bonus extra credit for anyone who emails us and tells us backwards Americans wtf that is in celsius). Said Seretta, attempting to break into

Lunch Ladies Win People's Choice At Greece's Anatomy Festival - Doctors Fear Greeks Going Senile

Clarissa Jacobson

Nov 19, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Win People's Choice At Greece's Anatomy Festival - Doctors Fear Greeks Going Senile

Medical specialists across the world are concerned one of the oldest civilizations is going senile. Apparently, Greece's dance with dementia started when Anatomy Crime & Horror Festival in Athens nominated the Lunch Ladies for Best Short (Horror) and Best Actress (Horror)*. Doctors put the country on red alert and prescribed Ouzo. For weeks, the Greeks fought valiantly, gulping the drink by the gallon, praying to The Oracle and taking the bull by the horns. In a miraculous

Shocking Exposé! Canal+ Picks Up Brazen Lunch Ladies After They Flirt With Them At Clermont-Ferrand

Clarissa Jacobson

Nov 13, 2018
2 min

Shocking Exposé! Canal+ Picks Up Brazen Lunch Ladies After They Flirt With Them At Clermont-Ferrand

Shocking Exposé! Canal+, the French Premium Cable Channel, has admittedly picked up the Lunch Ladies for Top Of The Shorts and MyCanal after the brazen women shamelessly flirted with them at Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest back in February. SEE THE SHAMELESS PLUG HERE! Apparently being part of the prestigious festival was not enough for the women so they set their sights on Canal+ in hopes they could terrorize even more French people. Said Seretta, wearing a shiny black mask and

Lunch Ladies Head To Stuff MX Film Fest in Mexico City After Threatening To Open Burrito Stand

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 31, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Stuff MX Film Fest in Mexico City After Threatening To Open Burrito Stand

Breaking news! The Lunch Ladies are are an official selection of Stuff MX Film Festival in Mexico City after they threatened to open a "special" burrito stand outside fest headquarters. Apparently, the women have been to Mexico five times before - Mórbido Fest, 24 Risas Por Segundo, FERATUM Fantastic Film Festival, (all in Mexico City) a fourth time for KINÉ, Muestra de Cortometrajes in Puebla and a fifth for Post Mortem Fest in Aguascalientes. When Stuff MX programmers ref

Lunch Ladies Head To London For Soho Horror And Misty Moon Fest - Will Ride Double Decker Bus

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 18, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Head To London For Soho Horror And Misty Moon Fest - Will Ride Double Decker Bus

Breaking news! The Lunch Ladies have finally made to London for the Soho Horror and Misty Moon Film Festivals where they will ride a double decker bus to their screenings and yell "Bob's your Uncle" at confused passerby. Apparently, the Lunch Ladies have been dying to get to Britain to harass the Queen, shoplift at Harrods and eat as many fish and chips as possible. However, nothing is higher on their bucket list than a trip on London's most iconic transportation: Said Sere

The Oracle Has Spoken! Lunch Ladies At Anatomy Horror, Buried Alive, Vortex, Á Nous De Voir...

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 15, 2018
2 min

The Oracle Has Spoken! Lunch Ladies At Anatomy Horror, Buried Alive, Vortex, Á Nous De Voir...

THE LUNCH LADIES CANNOT BE STOPPED! Film Fests: Anatomy Crime & Horror, Freak Show, Buried Alive, Bull City, IKUSKA, Flickers' Vortex, and Festival À Nous De Voir are reeling with the news that there is no escape from the Lunch Ladies. The Oracle has spoken. Apparently, the concerned festival programmers - who have successfully avoided the wretched duo for over a year - reached out to the top Oracle in Greece (High Priestess Lovett McTodd) to ask if they would meet the same h

Lunch Ladies Infiltrate New York - Swim Upstream Through Finger Lakes To Crash Ithaca Fantastik Fest

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 10, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Infiltrate New York - Swim Upstream Through Finger Lakes To Crash Ithaca Fantastik Fest

IN TOP NEWS TODAY: The Lunch Ladies have infiltrated New York by swimming upstream through the Finger Lakes, crashing Ithaca Fantastik Festival Festival headquarters, and securing a selection. It's no secret New York has been on orange alert for the past year, diligently patrolling its borders in an effort to keep out the notorious duo. Unfortunately, Ithaca let the whole state down by overlooking their unprotected shores: "We had no idea those Lunch Ladies were so good at

Lunch Ladies Display Awards From Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo And NOLA Horror

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 9, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Display Awards From Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo And NOLA Horror

Winner of Two Awards At Women In Horror Audience Award for Lunch Ladies Best Performance for Donna Pieroni JUST IN! In an astounding, surprise move, the Lunch Ladies have prominently displayed their recent awards from Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo Fantastic and NOLA Horror on the same shelf as their cherished Johnny Depp VHS Tapes. Apparently, the women manipulated five wins out of the beleaguered film festivals, bringing their illegal stash of trophies and certi

Lunch Ladies Garner Selection From Knoxville Horror Fest By Getting Them Drunk On Lunch Lady Whiskey

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 8, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Garner Selection From Knoxville Horror Fest By Getting Them Drunk On Lunch Lady Whiskey

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have scored a selection at the Knoxville Horror Film Fest after getting programmers drunk on homemade Lunch Lady whiskey. Tennessee is famous for its whiskey - especially Jack Daniels. The Lunch Ladies - as usual - have manipulated and perverted something of state pride and used it against locals to get ahead: Said Seretta, enjoying a shot of the handcrafted 200 proof Lunch Lady whiskey they foisted on unsuspecting programmers

Lunch Ladies Head To Spain's Nocturna Madrid After Befriending Cuddly Pal With "Great Personality"

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 4, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Spain's Nocturna Madrid After Befriending Cuddly Pal With "Great Personality"

Reports are confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are off to Nocturna Madrid International Fantastic Film Festival after befriending a cuddly new pal by the name of Urggg. Apparently, the women harassed Nocturna Madrid for months demanding a selection but it wasn't until they enlisted the help of Urggg that their appeals were met: Said Seretta, squeezing into a skintight hot pink polyester flamenco dress she plans to impress Spain with: "We were dying to get into that festival but

Lunch Ladies Head To Kansas' Tallgrass Fest By Conjuring Cyclone & Enlisting Help Of Flying Monkeys

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 2, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Kansas' Tallgrass Fest By Conjuring Cyclone & Enlisting Help Of Flying Monkeys

Breaking News! The Lunch Ladies have conjured a cyclone and enlisted the help of flying monkeys to score a selection at Kansas' Tallgrass Film Fest. Apparently, the winged primates shot out of the twister, descended on Tallgrass' office and would not leave until the festival said "yes" to the dynamic duo. Said head programmer, Sweeney McTodd: "It was terrifying. Those flying monkeys are real bastards - not to mention the cyclone. We had no choice but to include those conni

Lunch Ladies Use The Luck Of The Irish Against The Irish To Screen At Kerry Film Festival

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 1, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Use The Luck Of The Irish Against The Irish To Screen At Kerry Film Festival

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have used the luck of the Irish against the Irish to finagle a screening from the Kerry Film Festival. Apparently, the women have been trying to get to the land of the Blarney Stone, leprechauns and Guinness since they were wee tots but the Irish have managed to keep them at bay. Until now. Said Seretta, practicing her jig in an unbecoming green felt mini-skirt: "We had to get in the Kerry Fest and we knew it would take more t

Lunch Ladies Win Big At Italy's Fano Fest - Celebrate By Stealing A Ferrari

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 27, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Win Big At Italy's Fano Fest - Celebrate By Stealing A Ferrari

In a shocking display of poor judgment, the Lunch Ladies have been forced to flee Italy after stealing a Ferrari and speeding through city streets at 150 mph with police hot on their tails. Apparently, the women won Best Foreign Short and Best Actress* for their Italian premiere (October 20) at the 30th annual Fano Film Festival. Thrilled with the outcome, they got drunk on Limoncello, stole a classic Ferrari valued at over $200,000, hit four garbage cans and two light posts

Lunch Ladies Score Italian Premiere At Fano Film Fest - Excited To Eat As Much Cannoli As Possible

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 25, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Score Italian Premiere At Fano Film Fest - Excited To Eat As Much Cannoli As Possible

News outlets across the world have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have scored their Italian premiere at the Fano Film Festival where they will eat as much cannoli as humanly possible. Said Seretta, taking out the waist in her knock-off Pucci bell-bottoms she will wear at the fest: "I've been partying like mad the past few months on the film circuit and I'm not the svelte vixen I once was. Yet, I'm still incredibly sexy. Therefore, the diet can wait until after Fano Fest."

Lunch Ladies Head To Fenêtres Sur Courts in Dijon After Exhausting Them With "Pass The Grey Poupon"

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 20, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Fenêtres Sur Courts in Dijon After Exhausting Them With "Pass The Grey Poupon"

JUST IN! The Lunch Ladies are heading to France again, this time for Fenêtres Sur Courts in Dijon, after exhausting programmers with "Pardon me, would you have any Grey Poupon?" Apparently, Dijon is a hub of gastronomic delights, home to one of the largest food fairs in the country and originated Grey Poupon back in 1856. A mustard the Lunch Ladies claim covers up "a multitude of sins." Said, Seretta, whipping up some special marinade for one of the sins congealing in their

Lunch Ladies Head To Réunion Island In Indian Ocean for Soirée Du Court Film Fest - Volcano Erupts

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 19, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Réunion Island In Indian Ocean for Soirée Du Court Film Fest - Volcano Erupts

The dark web has confirmed that a volcano has erupted in fury on Réunion Island after the discovery that the Lunch Ladies will be screening there at the Soirée Du Court Film Fest. The island (which is a region of France) is east of Madagascar, in the middle of the Indian Ocean and is so far that smug inhabitants thought they were safe from the Lunch Ladies. Both Seretta and LouAnne have gone on record to say "Their hubris is laughable." After Réunion citizens discovered that

Lunch Ladies Demand Salary Raise After Wins At FilmQuest, Dragon Con And Noms From NOLA Horror

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 18, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Demand Salary Raise After Wins At FilmQuest, Dragon Con And Noms From NOLA Horror

Just in! The Lunch Ladies have demanded a $2.50 weekly raise from Melvin High after winning at FilmQuest* and Dragon Con* and scoring four nominations* from NOLA Horror. Said Seretta, rolling pennies to make ends meet: "Make no mistake, The Depper IS hiring us to be his personal chefs, but until then, we're still in the poorhouse, I mean the public school system. We haven't had a raise in fifteen years but now is our chance." LouAnne, filthy from collecting aluminum cans al

Lunch Ladies Cash In On The Power Of Minnesota Nice - Twin Cities Film Fest Forced To Program Them

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 17, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Cash In On The Power Of Minnesota Nice - Twin Cities Film Fest Forced To Program Them

In a shocking turn of events, the Lunch Ladies have secured a selection at the Twin Cities Film Fest after cashing in on the power of "Minnesota Nice." According to Wikipedia (which is the lazy Lunch Ladies go-to research tool): "The cultural characteristics of "Minnesota Nice" include polite friendliness, an aversion to confrontation, a tendency toward understatement, a disinclination to make a fuss or stand out, emotional restraint, and self-deprecation." After learning abo

Lunch Ladies A Selection Of Bend Film Fest - Hopeful They Won't Embarrass Bend Native Shayna Weber

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 12, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies A Selection Of Bend Film Fest - Hopeful They Won't Embarrass Bend Native Shayna Weber

The Lunch Ladies are flying high with their recent selection by the Bend Film Fest in Oregon and have gone on record to say they're hopeful they won't embarrass producer, Shayna Weber. Weber is concerned. Now residing in Los Angeles, Shayna was born and bred in Bend and has fond memories of raising goats for 4H, laying pipe in her backyard, and wearing hot pink rubber bands on her braces. Initially, she was thrilled when her hometown accepted the film she was tricked into wo

Lunch Ladies Threaten Idaho Horror Film Fest Into A Selection By Pummeling Their Offices With Spuds

Clarissa Jacobson

Sep 4, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Threaten Idaho Horror Film Fest Into A Selection By Pummeling Their Offices With Spuds

JUST IN! In a shocking show of poor taste, the Lunch Ladies have threatened the Idaho Horror Film Festival into a selection by pummeling their offices with rancid potato grenades. It's no secret the Ladies are on a quest to dominate America by plaguing every state with their presence. Idaho has so far remained unscathed and they were determined to keep it that way. Unfortunately the women had other plans: Seretta, still in the sleek black garbage bag she wore during Operat

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