#JohnnyDepp

ORANGE ALERT! Lunch Ladies Now On ShortsTV - Dept. Of Homeland Security - "Act Of Terrorism"

Clarissa Jacobson

Apr 2, 2019
2 min

ORANGE ALERT! Lunch Ladies Now On ShortsTV - Dept. Of Homeland Security - "Act Of Terrorism"

ORANGE ALERT! The Department of Homeland Security has put the country on Orange Alert after the news that the Lunch Ladies have not only invaded living rooms by hijacking airplay on Prime Video, Canal+ in France and Kanopy but have now manipulated their way on to ShortsTV this week as Editor's Pick! Said Dr. Todd McSweeney (Head of the newly formed "Psychological & Unusual Punishment Threats" Branch): "The fact that Americans cannot turn on their TV without seeing the Lunc

Lunch Ladies Display Awards From Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo And NOLA Horror

Clarissa Jacobson

Oct 9, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Display Awards From Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo And NOLA Horror

Winner of Two Awards At Women In Horror Audience Award for Lunch Ladies Best Performance for Donna Pieroni JUST IN! In an astounding, surprise move, the Lunch Ladies have prominently displayed their recent awards from Women In Horror, Austin Revolution, Fargo Fantastic and NOLA Horror on the same shelf as their cherished Johnny Depp VHS Tapes. Apparently, the women manipulated five wins out of the beleaguered film festivals, bringing their illegal stash of trophies and certi

Lunch Ladies Celebrate With 162 Hour Johnny Depp Movie Marathon After Scoring Three Great Reviews

Clarissa Jacobson

Aug 8, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Celebrate With 162 Hour Johnny Depp Movie Marathon After Scoring Three Great Reviews

Shocked news outlets across the world are reporting that the Lunch Ladies have scored great reviews* from Nightmarish Conjurings, Tennessee Horror News and Drm.am without coercion and have celebrated for 162 hours straight by watching back to back Johnny Depp Movies. Nightmarish Conjurings: "I had no idea what I was in for, but when it was over, it was solidified as my favorite short film I've ever seen." Tennessee Horror News: "One hell of a short film." Drm.am: "Clearly det

Lunch Ladies Duped AGAIN By Johnny Depp Impersonator - In Denial

Clarissa Jacobson

Jul 24, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Duped AGAIN By Johnny Depp Impersonator - In Denial

Back in January, the Lunch Ladies were fooled by Johnny Depp impersonator, John Spaziale who showed up at their kitchen with roses claiming to love them. It was only when his mustache fell into the fresh pot pie filling they had just whipped up that they knew they had been duped. Today, we've got the exclusive shocking story that the Lunch Ladies have been duped a second time by Spaziale. Investigative journalist, Todd McSweeney joins us today to give us the scoop: "Thank y

Lunch Ladies Send Heart Emojis to The Horror Syndicate After They Get A Stellar Review/Interview

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 18, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Send Heart Emojis to The Horror Syndicate After They Get A Stellar Review/Interview

The Lunch Ladies have been texting Mike Lombardo of The Horror Syndicate for days on end* with heart emojis after his recent amazing review: "... Lunch Ladies is one of the best short films I have ever seen. It plays out like John Waters, Tim Burton, and Herschell Gordon Lewis had a mutated love child and it is glorious to behold." Read the full review HERE! Lombardo then took it a step further and got together with his Horror Syndicate cohorts, AMDA dropout, Bud Light Lime l

GoreLords Podcast Loves The Lunch Ladies - Lunch Ladies Firmly Tell Them: “We’re Taken.”

Clarissa Jacobson

Jun 15, 2018
1 min

GoreLords Podcast Loves The Lunch Ladies - Lunch Ladies Firmly Tell Them: “We’re Taken.”

JUST IN! The dark web has confirmed that the GoreLords Podcast loves the Lunch Ladies who have firmly told them “We’re Taken.” Apparently, the GoreLords did a kickass review on their podcast without any coercion, manipulation or threats, so the Lunch Ladies are convinced they're hitting on them. Listen to it HERE! (Warning: Spoiler Alert) Said Seretta, slipping into something more comfortable: “We appreciate the love, but those crazy kids need to understand no amount

Lunch Ladies Selection of Hollywood Horrorfest After Sending Programmers "Lucky" Severed Finger

Clarissa Jacobson

May 24, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Selection of Hollywood Horrorfest After Sending Programmers "Lucky" Severed Finger

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are an official selection of the Hollywood Horrorfest after sending programmers what they are now calling a "lucky" severed finger. Apparently, the ladies have gotten into loads of festivals all over the world by lying, cheating and praying to Satan. This situation was no different but had a surprise twist ending. Said Seretta, using a weed whacker to trim her ample armpit hair: "We wanted to gently remind Hollywood Horrorfes

Lunch Ladies To Screen At Gen Con Fest Where They Will Cosplay As Johnny Depp Siamese Twins

Clarissa Jacobson

Apr 26, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies To Screen At Gen Con Fest Where They Will Cosplay As Johnny Depp Siamese Twins

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies will be screening at Indiana's Gen Con Fest where they will cosplay as Johnny Depp Siamese Twins. Gen Con is the longest running gaming convention in the world (50 years!) and boasts over 19,000 events and costumed attendees. The Ladies love to game "we got game," but have decided to concentrate instead on dressing up as Johnny Depp Siamese Twins: Said Seretta, practicing her best Johnny Depp "hot" look: "Gaming is simply an e

Lunch Ladies Win Best Short At MidWest WeirdFest - No Longer In Denial That They're Weird

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 16, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Win Best Short At MidWest WeirdFest - No Longer In Denial That They're Weird

Reports from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies are not only weird, but have embraced their weirdness after winning Best Short Film at Wisconsin's MidWest WeirdFest. Just last month, the notorious "chefs" were in complete denial at being weird after receiving the news they were an official selection of the festival. In fact, they were offended ("We're not weird!"). Shockingly, only one month later they have done a complete about-face: Said Seretta, snorting a

Lunch Ladies Laugh In The Face Of Triskaidekaphobia To Screen At Monsterpalooza On Friday The 13th

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 6, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Laugh In The Face Of Triskaidekaphobia To Screen At Monsterpalooza On Friday The 13th

Reports from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have laughed in the face of Triskaidekaphobia after the recent news that they will be playing at the 10th Annual Monsterpalooza Convention on Friday the 13th. Apparently the convention had hoped to scare the annoying Lunch Ladies away by scheduling them to screen on Friday the 13th, but the plan backfired when the Ladies went on record as saying "What an honor! That's our favorite number!" Seretta, painting her t

Lunch Ladies In Denial At Being Weird After Being Selected to Screen at MidWest WeirdFest

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 16, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies In Denial At Being Weird After Being Selected to Screen at MidWest WeirdFest

The Lunch Ladies are in denial at being weird after being selected to screen at the MidWest WeirdFest: Seretta, weirdly picking the whiskers out of her chin with a pliers from Home Depot, complained: "Weird? US? That's crazy! We're murdering Lunch Ladies in love with Johnny Depp. There's nothing weird about that." LouAnne, weirdly doing prenatal yoga even though she isn't pregnant, concurred: "Weird? US? That's crazy! We're card-carrying Depper fan club members and we ma

Lunch Ladies Develop Huge Egos After Winning Best North American Short At Nevermore Film Fest - &quo

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 15, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Develop Huge Egos After Winning Best North American Short At Nevermore Film Fest - &quo

The Lunch Ladies have developed huge egos after winning "Best North American Short" at Nevermore Film Fest. Apparently, the women are causing a huge embarrassment to the entire cast and crew of the film by demanding to cut in line at Walmart, demanding the best table at Arby's, and bragging nonstop: "We Are Flipping Awesome." Writer/Producer Clarissa Jacobson and Director JM Logan have been apologizing to everyone they see for the Lunch Ladies' obnoxious behavior. Logan: "G

National Enquirer Claims Lunch Ladies Nevermore Film Fest Selection Caused Depp, Poe Love Triangle

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 24, 2018
2 min

National Enquirer Claims Lunch Ladies Nevermore Film Fest Selection Caused Depp, Poe Love Triangle

The Lunch Ladies are burning mad after the National Enquirer broke a story that their recent selection into the 19th Nevermore Film Festival has resulted in a love triangle between themselves, Johnny Depp and Edgar Allen Poe. Apparently the "newspaper" has been running the headline - THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF DEPP - for the past week claiming Depp is furious and nevermore, nevermore. The Lunch Ladies, who were up all night torching copies stolen from newsstands, had this to sa

Lunch Ladies Fall For Crazed Fan Who Impersonates Johnny Depp In Order To Hang Out With Them

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 3, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Fall For Crazed Fan Who Impersonates Johnny Depp In Order To Hang Out With Them

In a strange twist of events, the Lunch Ladies, who pride themselves on being the biggest Johnny Depp fans in the world - having seen every movie and having named their unborn children after him - have admitted they fell for Johnny Depp impersonator, John Spaziale. It started out innocent enough. Spaziale saw the movie and loved it: "Lunch Ladies was the greatest film - I liked everything, the script, how entertaining it was, its characters and the music was perfectly create

Lunch Ladies Play "Poor Me Card" - Guilt Horror Habit Into Penning An Amazing Review

Clarissa Jacobson

Dec 30, 2017
1 min

Lunch Ladies Play "Poor Me Card" - Guilt Horror Habit Into Penning An Amazing Review

Authorities for the dark web have confirmed that Seretta and LouAnne played the "Poor Me Card" to guilt Jolie Bergman, reviewer for Horror Habit into giving them two thumbs up: "Lunch Ladies has absolutely stellar acting, directing, editing, writing, and effects... a simply delicious and satisfying gut bomb of laughter." Read the full review HERE When asked by TMZ how they masterminded the manipulation, The Lunch Ladies, smashing walnuts with a Johnny Depp Nutcracker they com

Lunch Ladies Worried Santa Won't Bring Them Johnny Depp Collector Mugs They Asked For

Clarissa Jacobson

Dec 21, 2017
1 min

Lunch Ladies Worried Santa Won't Bring Them Johnny Depp Collector Mugs They Asked For

The Lunch Ladies have had a fantastic year. Bribing, Lying, Cheating, Stealing, Murder, a few film fests... everything has been so wonderful they almost forgot actions have consequences. Seretta, wringing her hands, said: "We've been naughty and we're highly concerned that Santa won't bring us that set of Franklin Mint Johnny Depp Collector Mugs we've had our eyes on all year. I hope to Satan he forgives us, we need those collector mugs." LouAnne nodded: "Six collector mu

SOUR GRAPES! Editor Amelia Allwarden Wins Best Editing At Mumbai Fest - Lunch Ladies Furious

Clarissa Jacobson

Dec 14, 2017
1 min

SOUR GRAPES! Editor Amelia Allwarden Wins Best Editing At Mumbai Fest - Lunch Ladies Furious

Editor Amelia Allwarden took home the Best Editing Award from the 6th Mumbai Shorts International Fest for her amazing work on the film. This should've been great news to the Lunch Ladies who would've looked like crap without her. However, director, JM Logan has confirmed that they were not pleased, but in fact, have sour grapes. Caught on tape after he wired the Lunch Ladies Kitchen: Seretta: "Amelia Shmebelia. Big deal, she did a little editing. Try getting rid of a dea

Lunch Ladies Audition As Back Up Singers For Terror Records -
Unfortunately "Tone Deaf AF"

Clarissa Jacobson

Dec 8, 2017
2 min

Lunch Ladies Audition As Back Up Singers For Terror Records - Unfortunately "Tone Deaf AF"

The Lunch Ladies are nursing wounds from their most recent shut down in the entertainment industry. Hoping to capitalize on their new found fame on the film fest circuit and seeking world domination, it was only natural that the Lunch Ladies next move would be a foray into the music industry; much like Johnny Depp and The Hollywood Vampires. After months of desperation follows on Twitter the Lunch Ladies finally hit pay dirt meeting Tra Cee the multi-talented singer, COO of T

Nightmarish Conjuring's Kick A*s Review Keeps Lunch Ladies From Murdering Old Lady At Walmart

Clarissa Jacobson

Nov 27, 2017
2 min

Nightmarish Conjuring's Kick A*s Review Keeps Lunch Ladies From Murdering Old Lady At Walmart

Black Friday weekend turned out wonderful for the Lunch Ladies but could have been a disaster had it not been for Nightmarish Conjuring's kick ass review written by Taylor Terrible: "Lunch Ladies is one of the most bizarre, twisted, comedic shorts I think I've ever watched... it's gory and hilarious... a treat to watch... so disappointed that this was only 19 minutes long. I genuinely want to see this made into a feature film where Johnny Depp has a cameo." These amazing word

Teen Movie Critic "Nedflix N Chill" Relieved Lunch Ladies Doesn't Suck

Clarissa Jacobson

Nov 21, 2017
2 min

Teen Movie Critic "Nedflix N Chill" Relieved Lunch Ladies Doesn't Suck

The Lunch Ladies are flying high on getting a great review from a teenager. Everyone knows teenagers hate everything. Of course critic Ned Daniels is a Senior on the brink of leaving the hell that is high school behind, but hey, he's still young enough to be a pain in the ass. Mr. Daniels, who spends his Wednesdays with a buddy watching films after school then dissecting them and giving super smart critiques remembers his trepidation about even reviewing Lunch Ladies: "Shor

Sign Up For Class Updates!