#FilmFestival

Lunch Ladies Official Selection of Kyiv Fest - Head to Ukraine With Special Gift Of Chicken Kiev

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 15, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Official Selection of Kyiv Fest - Head to Ukraine With Special Gift Of Chicken Kiev

The Lunch Ladies are ecstatic to be heading to the Ukraine for the 7th Annual Kyiv International Short Film Fest and have warned, er... informed programmers they will be bearing a special "gift" of Chicken Kiev (котлета по-київськиto) to show their immense appreciation for the official selection. According to intensive research done by the dark web, the famous savory dish originated in the Ukraine or France (debate wages) and the Lunch Ladies have perfected a bastardized, er.

Lunch Ladies Nominated For Two Awards At Hexploitation Film Fest - Under Investigation By Mounties

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 14, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Nominated For Two Awards At Hexploitation Film Fest - Under Investigation By Mounties

The Lunch Ladies, who are rumored to dabble in witchcraft, are under investigation by the Canadian Mounted Police after pulling off a SECOND hex on Hexploitation Film Fest (aka the PLAINTIFF). Back in February, Plaintiff reported they were "hexed" into choosing the ladies as an official selection of the film fest and filed charges. However, the case stalled after definitive proof failed to surface. This time, Plaintiff alleges they were hexed into nominating the Ladies (aka

Lunch Ladies Behind Natural Disasters -Writer/Producer Jacobson Warns Film Fests To Be Wary

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 13, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Behind Natural Disasters -Writer/Producer Jacobson Warns Film Fests To Be Wary

When writer/producer Clarissa Jacobson dared to delve into the reason so many natural disasters are happening in tandem with film fests she's attending, she discovered something shocking: The Lunch Ladies are behind them. Earthquakes, mudslides, terrible weather... at Clermont-Ferrand Film Fest in France there was blinding snow, causing the airport to experience massive delays and Jacobson to have a staggering 36 hour traveling experience after missing connections. The

Lunch Ladies Go To Hungary's Friss Hús Fest - Plan To Deface Graves Of Producer Weber's Relatives

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 12, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Go To Hungary's Friss Hús Fest - Plan To Deface Graves Of Producer Weber's Relatives

The Lunch Ladies are celebrating with Bull's Blood after they got the news that they will be screening at the 6th Annual Friss Hús International Short Film Fest in the Midnight/Horror Section. One would think the story would end there. Not with the Lunch Ladies. Shocking reports from the dark web have confirmed that the insensitive sisters are planning to deface producer Shayna Weber's ancestor's graves with Lunch Ladies swag. Weber, whose family hails from Hungary, is not

Lunch Ladies Head To Germany For 20minmax International Short Film Fest - Will Drink Lots Of Lager

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 8, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Germany For 20minmax International Short Film Fest - Will Drink Lots Of Lager

The Lunch Ladies are bouncing off the walls with excitement after getting the news that they will finally have their German Premiere in Ingolstadt, Bavaria at the 20minmax International Short Film Fest. Huge fans of beer (they were weaned on Colt 45 as babies), they are making extensive plans to drink "lots of lager" and toast with real German phrases like "Prost!" (Cheers!) and "Wo früher meine leber war, ist heute eine minibar" (There is now a minibar where my liver once w

Lazy Lunch Ladies Pull A Tom Sawyer -Trick Canadian Sales Rep Ouat Media Into Doing Their Dirty Work

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 7, 2018
1 min

Lazy Lunch Ladies Pull A Tom Sawyer -Trick Canadian Sales Rep Ouat Media Into Doing Their Dirty Work

Reports from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have been partying all night after tricking the Canadian Sales Rep - Ouat Media - into doing their dirty work. Apparently, the egotistical Lunch Ladies want to be distributed all over the world but are too lazy to do any of the slogging that is required to achieve their dreams of domination. Said Seretta, who met Ouat Media at the Clermont-Ferrand Fest where the film screened in the Dinner Is Served Retrospective

Lunch Ladies Laugh In The Face Of Triskaidekaphobia To Screen At Monsterpalooza On Friday The 13th

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 6, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Laugh In The Face Of Triskaidekaphobia To Screen At Monsterpalooza On Friday The 13th

Reports from the dark web have confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have laughed in the face of Triskaidekaphobia after the recent news that they will be playing at the 10th Annual Monsterpalooza Convention on Friday the 13th. Apparently the convention had hoped to scare the annoying Lunch Ladies away by scheduling them to screen on Friday the 13th, but the plan backfired when the Ladies went on record as saying "What an honor! That's our favorite number!" Seretta, painting her t

The President Of Mexico Pardons The Lunch Ladies - Allows Them Back Into The Country For KINÉ Fest

Clarissa Jacobson

Mar 1, 2018
2 min

The President Of Mexico Pardons The Lunch Ladies - Allows Them Back Into The Country For KINÉ Fest

The Lunch Ladies are thrilled to be heading back to Mexico for the KINÉ, Muestra de Cortometrajes Film Fest after President Enrique Peña Nieto, allowed them back into the country. In October, the Ladies were an official selection of Mórbido Fest in Mexico City but blew it after drinking too much Mezcal, knocking over a giant armadillo float during a Day of the Dead Parade, wounding a chihuahua and causing horrified participants to scream for cover. A Lunch Ladies ban was issu

Director JM Logan Fights Lunch Ladies For Stolen Oregon Scream Week Award

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 27, 2018
1 min

Director JM Logan Fights Lunch Ladies For Stolen Oregon Scream Week Award

Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Four Square and other annoying social media websites are on fire today with the news that director JM Logan has successfully fought the Lunch Ladies for his stolen Oregon Scream Week Best Director Award. Apparently the Lunch Ladies pilfered the certificate last week right under Logan’s nose when he was in deep conversation at a filmmaker’s mixer ranting about boring stuff like camera angles and color correction. Logan made it his ques

Lunch Ladies Head To Amsterdam For Imagine Film Fest After Instructing Programmers - "No Clogs"

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 26, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Head To Amsterdam For Imagine Film Fest After Instructing Programmers - "No Clogs"

The Lunch Ladies received the shocking news that the 34th Annual Imagine Film Fest in Amsterdam would like them to attend. Though the sisters have been dying to get to Amsterdam to tilt some windmills, their initial reaction was one of concern that they would be forced to wear clogs. Said Seretta, admiring her new kitten heels she bought just for the fest: "We're really in no position to be making demands, but we draw the line at clogs. We told them - clogs or us. You ch

Lunch Ladies Pester The Hell Out Of Tim Wassberg of Inside Reel Productions For An Interview - He F

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 22, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Pester The Hell Out Of Tim Wassberg of Inside Reel Productions For An Interview - He F

The dark web has confirmed that the Lunch Ladies have pestered the hell out of journalist Tim Wassberg of college entertainment TV show, Inside Reel Productions, until he caved and gave writer/producer Clarissa, an interview. See the interview HERE Tim was attending the Santa Barbara Film Fest where the Lunch Ladies were screening and was planning on interviewing people much more important than Clarissa. Most would’ve been daunted. Not the Lunch Ladies who simply decided

Lunch Ladies Dabble In Witchcraft - Succeed In Becoming An Official Selection Of Hexploitation Film

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 21, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Dabble In Witchcraft - Succeed In Becoming An Official Selection Of Hexploitation Film

The Lunch Ladies are under investigation by Canadian authorities after the Hexploitation Film Fest in Ontario reported they were "hexed" into choosing the ladies as an official selection. According to in-depth research done by the dark web, the Ladies are collecting passport stamps and have not been to Canada yet - making it a "must go" destination. Apparently, they first tried to get into the country by disguising themselves as Canadian Mounted Police but were stopped at the

Famous Monsters Silver Scream Fest Awards Lunch Ladies Best Short After They Cut Tantrum And Create

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 20, 2018
2 min

Famous Monsters Silver Scream Fest Awards Lunch Ladies Best Short After They Cut Tantrum And Create

The dark web has confirmed that the Famous Monsters Silver Scream Film Fest awarded the Lunch Ladies Best Short soon after the women cut a tantrum and created a huge scene in the lobby of the theatre. Concocting an elaborate plan to drive judges nuts, they stomped their feet and whined non stop “Lunch Ladies, Lunch Ladies, Lunch Ladies!” prompting irate theatre goers and pissed concession workers to demand “just give them the award and shut them the “F” up.” Said Seretta, pos

JM Logan Wins Best Director at Oregon Scream Week - Lunch Ladies Steal Award “We're Innocent”

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 19, 2018
1 min

JM Logan Wins Best Director at Oregon Scream Week - Lunch Ladies Steal Award “We're Innocent”

Reports have surfaced that the Lunch Ladies have struck again, this time by stealing the best director certificate awarded to JM Logan this past weekend at Oregon Scream Week. Eyewitnesses say the Lunch Ladies pilfered the award right under Logan’s nose when he was in a deep conversation at a filmmaker’s mixer ranting about “boring” stuff like camera angles and color correction. The Lunch Ladies claim innocence and had this to say: Seretta: “It’s really sad that Logan is try

Lunch Ladies In Denial At Being Weird After Being Selected to Screen at MidWest WeirdFest

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 16, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies In Denial At Being Weird After Being Selected to Screen at MidWest WeirdFest

The Lunch Ladies are in denial at being weird after being selected to screen at the MidWest WeirdFest: Seretta, weirdly picking the whiskers out of her chin with a pliers from Home Depot, complained: "Weird? US? That's crazy! We're murdering Lunch Ladies in love with Johnny Depp. There's nothing weird about that." LouAnne, weirdly doing prenatal yoga even though she isn't pregnant, concurred: "Weird? US? That's crazy! We're card-carrying Depper fan club members and we ma

Lunch Ladies Stuff Ballot Box End Up With Five Nominations From Oregon Scream Week

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 13, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Stuff Ballot Box End Up With Five Nominations From Oregon Scream Week

The dark web is investigating rumors that the Lunch Ladies have participated in election fraud on their quest to become celebrities - this time, according to reports, they've stuffed the ballot boxes of Oregon Scream Week to score five nominations for the film: Best Dark Comedy Best Director for JM Logan Best Actor for Donna Pieroni Best Ensemble Best Editor for Amelia Allwarden Seretta, practicing selfies with the new selfie stick she plans to use at the awards event, ranted

Lunch Ladies Official Selection of Artemis Women In Action Fest - Apply To Star In Next Jason Bourne

Clarissa Jacobson

Feb 8, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Official Selection of Artemis Women In Action Fest - Apply To Star In Next Jason Bourne

The Lunch Ladies are thrilled to be an official selection of the Artemis Women In Action Film Fest. But, according to reports from the dark web, they're only thrilled because they believe it will give them the extra edge they need to break into action movies. Said Seretta, firing rounds with her peacemaker at target practice: "Now that we've been labeled "Women In Action" by The Artemis Women In Action Fest, we're confident Hollywood will give us a crack at the Jason Bourne

Lunch Ladies Threaten Gore Maestro Matt Falletta "You Will Attend Nevermore Film Festival Or Else"

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 29, 2018
2 min

Lunch Ladies Threaten Gore Maestro Matt Falletta "You Will Attend Nevermore Film Festival Or Else"

In typical Hollywood backstabbing behavior, The Lunch Ladies have threatened their very own Matt Falletta - SFX Supervisor and Exec. Producer of the Lunch Ladies film - "You will attend Nevermore Film Festival and hawk our wares or else." Apparently, Falletta originally hails from Durham, North Carolina, home to the horror fest, and knows a lot of folks back there. But most importantly, unlike the Lunch Ladies, people like him. Seeing an opportunity for some positive publici

National Enquirer Claims Lunch Ladies Nevermore Film Fest Selection Caused Depp, Poe Love Triangle

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 24, 2018
2 min

National Enquirer Claims Lunch Ladies Nevermore Film Fest Selection Caused Depp, Poe Love Triangle

The Lunch Ladies are burning mad after the National Enquirer broke a story that their recent selection into the 19th Nevermore Film Festival has resulted in a love triangle between themselves, Johnny Depp and Edgar Allen Poe. Apparently the "newspaper" has been running the headline - THE FALL OF THE HOUSE OF DEPP - for the past week claiming Depp is furious and nevermore, nevermore. The Lunch Ladies, who were up all night torching copies stolen from newsstands, had this to sa

Lunch Ladies Shocked - Selection Of Santa Barbara International - "We Got In Without Lying!"

Clarissa Jacobson

Jan 18, 2018
1 min

Lunch Ladies Shocked - Selection Of Santa Barbara International - "We Got In Without Lying!"

The Lunch Ladies are shocked. Reports are confirmed that the Lunch Ladies got into the 33rd Annual Santa Barbara International Fest completely fair and square "without lying, cheating, or stealing." A first for the women. Said a bewildered Seretta: "At first we thought we were being gaslighted. Whoever heard of a fest accepting us on our own merits? But, when we got the official welcome letter, a personal email and even filmmaker passes, we had to believe they were serious

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